the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
