She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
