I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
now i know why i became what i already was.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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