I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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