Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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