She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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