Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
