i would punch a child for taco bell
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
