i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
