My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
