her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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