she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
