Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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