It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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