My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
