Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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