What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
