What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
