I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
