tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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