Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
