He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
