The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
