I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you never un-have a 4some
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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