4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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