he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
