youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
