all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
