It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
