Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
