ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
