awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
