So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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