Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
this is an emotional support booty call
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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