OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
