How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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