Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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