in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Drunk is a universal language darling
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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