The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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