I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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