i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
