my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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