she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
