Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
