I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
