I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
