is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is Oprah even human
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
