college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
