Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
