you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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