there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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