Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How does one acquire holy water?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
