i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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