We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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